The items linked to from this page are on a site which includes the full text of the medical memoir

CANCER PATIENT
.
CANCER PATIENT deals with cancer from the point of view of initial problems, the search for a diagnosis, treatment with chemotherapy and radiation therapy, then the achievement of remission.

By contrast, the archived blog entries listed on this page deal with survivorhood, including deals with living with degraded eyesight (probably a consequence of radiation therapy) and living with a damaged brain (the brain damage the result of a combination of high-level methotrexate and radiation therapy).

The cancer blog entries listed on this page form part of the literary miscellany
THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOUR GOD.

The other sections of this book are ISLAM (some comments on Islam, including the concept of jihad), HOW TO WRITE (a section on writing guidance), DEATH POEMS, STORIES (a small group of stories) and POEMS (a small group of poems).

Read the cancer blog entries free on this site or

buy THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOUR GOD on amazon.com USA.


Link to click to read samples of the literary miscellany THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOUR GOD: A HUGH COOK READER


cancer blog online cancerblog on line


Blog entries about the aftermath of chemotherapy and radiation therapy, including brain damage and eyesight damage; a survivor's account of the aftermath of cns lymphoma, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma of the large B-cell variety, in the author's case cancer of the brain and the spinal cord.

Part of THIS IS A PICTURE OF YOUR GOD:
A HUGH COOK READER

TABLE OF CONTENTS
cancer blog online cancerblog on line Entries

Page 44 — Item Seven —
MOCKING THE DEAD


Children at a primary school (that is, an elementary school) in New Zealand are taught to mock the desecrated bodies of the dead. Nobody seems to question the appropriacy of this behavior, presumably because the culture which is being mocked is currently in no position to throw bombs.

Page 47 — Item Eight —
NEUROSURGERY DETAILS


Brain cancer has arrived so it is goodbye to politics, goodbye to war, goodbye to the fate of the whale and the future of the world. The self closes down, the wider world vaporizing, replaces by the narrow arena of brain cancer and its complications. One's personal death, possibly right on the doorstep, outweighing the deaths of the many millions. Here, insights into what happened to me when I was under the knife: the details of my neurosurgery.

Page 51 — Item Nine —
DOOR TO AN ALTERNATIVE REALITY


There exists (this is my thesis) a door that I can step through to access an alternative reality. In this alternative reality, I am no longer the cancer patient. Instead, I am a married man with wife and daughter, living in a house in a tolerably prosperous city, going off to work in the morning and pursing my career. I have no idea whatsoever that this is the stuff of dreams and fiction. For me, the door is real, and so, too, is the promised world which lies just beyond it.

Page 57 — Item Ten —
THE CANCELLATION OF MY LIFE


My life, the life I had planned for myself, has been canceled. On a temporary basis, perhaps. Or perhaps forever.

Page 62 — Item Eleven —
A JUNKIE AGAIN


Back on my familiar drug, dexamethasone.

Page 69 — Item Twelve —
THE CONSEQUENCES OF HAVING CANCER


So what is the immediate impact of this disease which is possibly back again? (Possibly, possibly not.)

Page 77 — Item Thirteen —
FLYING HIGH ON DRUGS


The first lyrical honeymoon days of a good drug trip. Yes, this is not your quick ten-minute hike outside the boundaries of reality. This is a trip which is running for days.

Page 87 — Item Fourteen —
UNDER SURVEILLANCE


Yeah, and everyone knows that I'm doing these drugs, and they're watching. Watching for my mental lapses, too.

Page 96 — Item Fifteen —
BETRAYING MY DAUGHTER


My feeling is that, in large measure, my circumstances are out of my control. Even so, I feel bad about betraying my daughter.

Page 104 — Item Sixteen —
HOLDING PATTERN


The system will deliver a diagnosis in its own good time. In the meantime, my life is in a holding pattern.

Page 111 — Item Seventeen —
TWO SCRIPTS: LIFE OR DEATH


Two scripts have been prepared for the movie of my life, one a kind of family comedy, the other a black-and-white movie about death and dying. I have no idea, at this stage, which script I am going to be handed. Whichever script I get, it gets played out for real in real time.

Page 117 — Item Eighteen —
QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DEATH


Premature, because I don't yet know that I am dying. However, I have a window of opportunity, and questions I want to discuss, including, if it comes to that, the mechanism of my death.

Page 121 — Item Nineteen —
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DEATH


If the cancer has returned, it seems that there is just one drug on planet Earth which may (possibly, perhaps) be the answer. An introduction to the pharmaceutical industry and its marketing strategies: life is a beach.

Page 123 — Item Twenty —
INFORMED CONSENT PROCEDURES ARE BROKEN


Why informed consent procedures are broken. What is broken, why it is broken, how it could be fixed, why it will not be fixed.

Page 133 — Item Twenty-One —
INFORMED CONSENT PROCEDURE FOR DEATH


And now let's take a look at an actual informed consent procedure ...

Page 135 — Item Twenty-Two —
BRAIN DAMAGE


As the brain cancer patient I have suffered brain damage from the cancer itself, from chemotherapy and from radiation therapy. The state of play, as far as I can make it.

Page 142 — Item Twenty-Three —
MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING SCAN


What it is like to be slid into the tunnel of the big magnet. This is as near as I can get to the experience: you lie flat for however long it takes (in my case about thirty minutes) and listen to the weirdest electronic music in the world.

Page 146 — Item Twenty-Four —
SPECIAL LANGUAGE FOR TALKING TO BABIES


Meantime, life moves forward. An alphabet book by Edward Lear, A WAS ONCE AND APPLE PIE, is encountered and reviewed.

Page 149 — Item Twenty-Five —
ME AND RAY BRADBURY


Nominally the cancer patient, I am, in practice, in Total Writer mode, at least for the moment. Working, right now, on preparing a book for publication. As I do so, a story keeps coming back to me, a story by Ray Bradbury, the American science fiction writer who is the author of, amongst other works, FAHRENHEIT 451. This piece deals with the emotions of craftsmanship, of being the builder, the maker, of creating and sustaining a world.

Page 153 — Item Twenty-Six —
THE WITCHLORD AND THE WEAPONMASTER


I, the author of this book, become the publisher of its second edition. A blurb of the book plus some final words. May be a little early for final words, but it does not hurt to have them on the record.

Page  157 — Item Twenty-Seven —
THE SUCCUBUS AND OTHER STORIES


And, in February 2006, I publish another boo, this one a fairly solid short story collection, THE SUCCUBUS AND OTHER STORIES, over 600 pages of SF, fantasy, horror, weirdness and strangeness. The TABLE OF CONTENTS is given, showing an item-by-item breakdown of the book.

Page 168 — Item Twenty-Eight —
HARRIET'S ARMPIT


And here, to give a sample of the flavor of THE SUCCUBUS AND OTHER STORIES, is one of the items from the collection.

Page 174 — Item Twenty-Nine —
MRI RESULT IS READY


But I get it not now but in a week. My crisis, if I can call it that, moves at the speed of global warming.

Page 193 — Item Thirty-Two —
MY FUTURE REVEALED:
LIVE WITH EYE DAMAGE OR DIE OF CANCER


The answer is whatever the answer is. One way or another, today I am going to get closure. Right?

Page 200 — Item Thirty-Three —
THE SAGA OF MY ILLNESS


How things worked out for me on the medical front during the days in which this book was under construction.

Page 392 Item Seventy-Six
BURN IN HELL YOU BASTARDS


The author gives his thoughts on his radiation oncologists.




Link to click to read cancer memoir on line