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Gally Smith and the Massacre of the Orcs


a good and evil story


        In the middle of her life, Gally Smith found herself on a lonely path in the midst of a dark wood, with someone following her. Who? Cautiously, she drew her handgun - her tried and tested Beretta - and prepared to do battle. Round a corner came a white rabbit.
        "Hold it right there," said Gally. "Who are you and what are you doing?"
        "Rabbits don't talk," said the white rabbit.
        "No?" said Gally. "Then what are you doing right now?"
        "Gee," said the rabbit, abashed. "I guess I must be drunk."
        "Maybe you need counselling for substance abuse," said Gally. "What do you think?"
        But she never got a response, because that was when she was ambushed by orcs. They carried her off to their cave as an "honored guest", which she took to be a euphemism for "someone we will shortly eat alive". It was surprising, therefore, that they did not disarm her, and she remained in possession of her ice axe and Beretta.
        "You do know about nuclear weapons, don't you?" said the Head Teacher, who interviewed Gally shortly after her arrival.
        "No," said Gally.
        "Exactly what we thought!" said the Head Teacher. "Excellent! You will begin work tomorrow! Teaching the orclets!"
        "The orclets?"
        "The little orcs. They are all very, very keen on learning how to make nuclear bang-bombs."



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The End

This story, "Gally Smith and the Massacre of the Orcs", was first published in Legend issue 1, Autumn 2000 (ed. Trevor Trevor Denyer) (Aldershot, United Kingdom, ISSN 1471-7786) (pp 56-59; 3,835 words) (fantasy).

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