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UFO Invasion - The Truth about Alien Abductions!!

(complete text full story - 7,704 words)
(first of three sections)

        Author's note: It is an acknowledged fact that millions of Americans have been abducted by aliens. George Bush was abducted, and got such a shock that he gave up drinking. Michael Jackson was snatched from Neverland by night, and was so damaged by his abductors that the world's best plastic surgeons were unable to repair the damage. And many thousands of other people have come forward to testify: Yes, the aliens took me!!!!
        So the question is this: Why does this only happen in America?
        True, there are occasional isolated abduction outbreaks in other parts of the world. However, by and large, alien abductions are restricted to the continental United States.
        A Swiss banker who goes out for an afternoon stroll does not expect to be beamed up into a UFO while en route, and he probably won't be. The Queen of England has never been abducted by aliens. (If you don't believe this, ask her. But be warned that she will think the question exceedingly silly.) The Pope does not even believe that aliens exist.
        French people, German people, Mexicans and Indonesians - by and large, the aliens don't mess with them. But if you're living in the States then you're a target.
        So why is this?
        One thing is for certain: the aliens are not focusing on America because of the Chicken McNuggets and the Coca-Cola. You can get that kind of stuff anywhere - even in Japan.
        Why are the UFOs invading America? Why is alien abduction an acknowledged part of the fabric of everyday American life? Why does this kind of stuff only happen (by and large) in the USA? Until now, these questions had no answers.
        But now, in a lightly fictionalized account of a TRUE INCIDENT, the hideous truth is exposed. Let's fade out the author's note at this point and focus in on the life of ERROL POPS. The victim ....


        Errol's life was pretty normal, apart from his on and off affair with the national mud wrestling champion, his cousin Laycilda. Yes, aside from that, he was pretty normal, assuming you overlooked his habit of occasionally combing margarine through his hair. Admittedly, some people might think that kissing snakes was a bit weird, but Errol only did it for religious purposes, so that was okay.
        It must be conceded that, like many people, Errol did have a couple of skeletons in the closet. That hit-and-run on the corner of Broadbean and Main, for example. Then, too, there was the year in which he became fascinated with Arabic calligraphy and decided to study the language as a hobby, a mistake which eventually led to him being indicted on twenty-seven counts ranging from illegal possession of an incendiary device (the spare can of gas in his car) through to crimes against humanity.
        Is this the place to talk about the incident with the gerbil? Well, probably not. To tell the truth, that story is not really fit for public consumption. Omitting Errol's one-time indiscretion with the gerbil, then, taken as a whole, he was about as close as you could get to a normal, average guy.
        At least until the aliens came for him.


        Errol Pops had a shop, the Snowfrost Emporium in Beltway City. He sold refrigerators, mainly, and was just a regular guy. The only unusual thing about him, really, was that he was a fourth-generation home appliance salesman. His great grandfather had founded the Snowfrost Emporium and it had been handed down from father to son ever since.
        A month after his thirty-sixth birthday, Errol was feeling pretty pleased with himself. The Arabic study mistake had been resolved by then. (In a deal with the prosecutor, Errol had ratted out a certain gerbil salesman.) He had gotten away with cheating on his taxes yet one more time, and though the IRS undoubtedly knew as much, they couldn't prove it. What's more, it seemed that the police had failed to connect him with the unexpected fire which had burnt down Clemance Chagetty's house.
        Clemance was a former marine who kept pit bulls and had a side business dealing in crystal meth. But, as far as Errol was concerned, the bad thing about Clemance was that he was actively courting Laycilda.
        "Well," said Errol, sticking his thumbs in the side of his pants, "I'm going to marry her myself."
        Errol had already been married twice. The first marriage was very brief. The woman, Trippy Ving, a practitioner of herbal massage and holistic voodoo, lasted two weeks, then fled, claiming she feared she would die of boredom. Errol's second marriage (to the same woman) lasted five years, at which point she left, taking both kids with her.
        After a couple of years of erratic bachelorhood, Errol was finally ready to take the plunge again, and he was thinking seriously about proposing to Laycilda as early as the next week.
        "I've got it made," said Errol.
        And he had, really. Money, romance, his own house, his own appliance shop in a city which had once been voted "the twenty-fifth most livable city in the nation" -- what more could you want? For many people (Osama bin Laden or Saddam Hussein, to pick a couple of names at random) that is the stuff which dreams are made of.


        But Errol was already doomed. The aliens had already chosen him. The aliens were already on their way. Like it or not, Errol Pops was already destined to become an alien abductee.


        The aliens came for Errol Pops in the night. They sprayed a whining mist on his bedroom window and the mist dissolved the glass into vapor. Saturated with the vapor, the drapes shriveled, dissolved. Then the vacuum suckers went into play, extracting the gas before it could do more damage.
        The faintest whiff of the gas reached Errol Pops. The vapor smelt of bananas. It burnt the delicate flesh inside Errol's nose, waking him up. By that time, the alien machines were already dragging him out of bed. He opened his mouth to scream, and something plunged into his mouth, forcing his jaws apart painfully. He thrashed and struggled, but was hauled to the window. Still struggling, he accidentally banged the side of his head against the window frame, and that was when he lost consciousness.


        When Errol recovered, he was in a spaceship. He was being held uncomfortably in a restraining harness with his legs splayed apart, and there was some kind of gag in his mouth. The gag seemed to be perforated, so he could breathe through it, which was just as well, since there were tubes running into his nostrils, one full of gurgling pink fluid and the other clogged with something thick, black and resinous.

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This story, "UFO Invasion - the Truth about Alien Abductions!!", made its first appearance when posted on Hugh Cook's website on 2003 February 11 Tuesday.

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Copyright © 2003 Hugh Cook. All rights reserved.


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